Betty Jean

It has been almost 10 years since your passing.
I think of you daily.
I miss your soft kisses and your strength.
I miss your loving comfort.

I see you spiraling
Spiraling outward in love,
Your spirit lives forever
In the lives of those you touched.

You can never be forgotten, you see
for you are remembered.
Those lives will spiral out
and touch more.

You are never really gone,
your life is not really done.
The lives you touched will touch more
and this will end nevermore.

I see you spiraling
Spiraling outward in love,
Your spirit lives forever
In the lives of those you touched.

I miss you Betty Jean, now and forever more.

Personal Darkness

I can see you
in my personal darkness.
I can see your misery,
my eyes don't miss a thing.

I can see your happiness,
through the shadows of my own.
I fake the emotions,
But sometimes the facade cracks.

I miss the light
I miss the smiles
I cannot get to them,
through my personal darkness.

I can see you,
in my personal darkness.
I can crave you.
I can miss you.

But I do not.

I like the darkness,
I hate the light.
I am comfortable here,
I do not miss a thing.
I will stay here,
Rotting away.

Do not miss me,
for I am away;
Do not find me,
for I am lost;
Do not hunt me;
for I am the hunter,
In my personal darkness.

I am here.
and here is where I will stay.

Come to Me, My Love

I can hear your heart beating,
I can smell your breath,
Sweet yet sour.

I can see you in my darkness,
Calling out to me.
I will not hunt you,
I will not stalk.

Come to me my love,
I am calling to you.
Come to me my love,
And let me drink of you.

You are sweet and addicting
I crave your flavor.
Let me drink of you,
Let me take it in.

Come to me my love,
I am calling to you.
Come to me my love,
And let me drink of you.

My Journey Thus Far...

I am going into my 5th week at my practicum site.  I currently work with the homeless population at a local shelter.  The shelter provides food, shelter inside (and outside for those who still prefer to sleep under the stars), medical and a case manager as well as other services. The shelter provides many of its services on site, so they don't have to travel very far and it's very convenient.  The shelter even has a kennel and a gym.  Yes, a kennel. The owners of the pets are responsible for feeding and walking the animal, but vet services are provided by the shelter.  This way, the homeless person does not have to give up their best friend.  It is a well run shelter, and I am proud to be a part of it.  I feel connected to the staff and some of the "prospects".

However; as far as long term counseling services, this is not the place for me.  The homeless population is a very transient population and they are concerned with getting their basic needs met, but not counseling services.  Once they have food in their belly and a place to sleep, many of them are concerned with getting a job.  The men and women on the "member" side already have a counselor and a case manager, already. They are talked and therapied out. The last thing they want to do is talk to another, new, counselor.

With this being said, my practicum site is full on surprises. I get a chance to talk to a wide variety of people from all walks of life. I can work on building rapport with a few of them, and some even update me when I arrive (if they are awake).  I am finding that silver lining.  I have to start from the bottom, advertise, and make myself known.  This isn't each for a shy wallflower.  I am not used to promoting myself or advertising services I don't know I can do yet.  I am confident in my counseling abilities, however, this is the first time I get to use my "book knowledge" out in the real world. This is new territory for me, but I expected this was going to happen.  I am actually getting a better picture of what a counselor does, who a counselor is and what makes a good one.  I am enjoying my practicum site, and I am learning to promote myself.

Next semester, I plan to seek out a site what will be able to provide a case load for me.  I am able to build rapport and counsel someone one time.  However; I would like to be able to counsel someone longer than one session and really get a feel for the therapeutic process from beginning to the end.  One of the difficulties I had was starting the conversation.  I think that with this practicum site, I am getting over that problem very quickly. 

Going too far- Paddling in Schools

I read an article about a vice principal spanking a student in a school near the Dallas/ Ft. Worth area.  The article stated that the student chose to be swatted as opposed to in school suspension for two days for letting another student copy her work.   It goes further and states that the male vice principal completed the swatting while a female watched. The mother complained that it was a male who hit her daughter.  That would not be my complaint.  This is legalized child abuse. The bruises and welts left on other students are the major concern for me, not weather a male was the one to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I would be upset about that too, but it's the marks left behind that have me concerned. If I did that to my daughter, CPS would be called on me. I don't understand how this is OK, but the parents cannot leave the marks described in the article. While there are no pictures (for obvious reasons) the marks described were pretty graphic. They were the marks that would have Child Protective Services (CPS) concerned and an investigation conducted. 

Paddling is legal in 19 states, including Texas. The parents have to state, in writing, that they do not want their child to be paddled.  This was not known to me before today. I have not had the encounter with paddling and my daughter since she started school.  She has not told me that they "spank" her in her school.  I don't even spank my daughter.  I am sure as hell not going to let her school do it.  That is not their place.

The schools are there to "teach" children and to build good citizens.  However, I currently do not think they are effective in even that.  Schools are run more like prison camps and, in my daughter's school, they have to use "hallway hands".  This is the style of walking with her hands behind her back (kind of how they are required to walk in the prison systems.)

The current state of the public school systems are scary and need to be corrected. Homeschooling is looking like a really good option right now. Any thoughts, readers?

Games the Tiny Minds Play

A fox was walking through the woods one day and spotted a rabbit eating grass near a bush. The fox was slightly hungry, and could go for a snack.  The rabbit spotted the fox and ran as fast and a far as he could. The fox ran after the rabbit until the rabbit went into the rabbit hole. Who am I?

I am the rabbit, you see. This is not a game to me, this is my life.  I do not play games with others jobs, their family, their life or their money. How they chose to live their life is up to them, and I am not here to judge.  However, there have been a few individuals in my life who have tested my limits and my patience.  A few words come to mind: Favoritism. Racial Separation. Discrimination. Team Division. These are the games tiny minds play.

I have recently been dragged into this "game" that small minds play. Instead of being an adult, people recently have resorted to playing games.  Recently, there was an issue with my practicum, and I did not have a site.  I have since obtained a site and I am pending a background check. Once that goes through, I can start. I am now three weeks behind on my hours and I will need to do 20 hours each week to catch up.  I can do it; I know I can. However, it is inconvenient. 

As I am new to destroying people's moral, motivation and desire to come to work, I started to do what I knew best: research.  I googled "office politics" and 44,800,000 hits came up. One of my favorite articles stated that office politics are basically interaction and communication. That in order to "win" at office politics one needs to make friends with those above and below them and generally be a good person and easy to deal with. I believe I already do that, and I have been told many time that people would rather deal with me because I am approachable.

So I continued the research.

Office politics have a negative ring to it. It reminds me of people back stabbing and strategies used to their own advantage.  Another article stated that office politics are a fact of life. (How I am just coming into it is surprising to me, if this is true.)  This article stated that one needs to map out the "real" powers within the company, map out who is friends with who, then discover their goals. Then make friends all the way up the ladder with the "powerful" people. This sounds about right.

The common threat of the two articles state that making friends with the powerful people and to be heard is the way to go. I plan to utilize this and to stop hiding behind my desk. I plan to document the deeds of others; I plan to interact more with the political powers of the company and I plan to make myself heard. Mission Accepted.

Personal Challange

I have recently been challenged to think more positively about myself and my surroundings.  I have started a list of the things I have done, and i will  names some future goals to keep me focused.  So...,

Here goes the list I have done since Jan 2012:

• I have started working out on a more regular basis.
• I have started eating healthier. (eating less bread, though I do have my moments.)
• I have a wonderful daughter, and I am accepting those compliments.
• I am saying that I am beautiful when I am down.
• I "date" myself (And actually enjoy it).
• I don't procrastinate as much.
• I can run (was told that i wouldn't be able to) and I run when I can.
• I complete my school work on time.
• Started working on my self esteem. (I so, totally, ROCK!!!)

Here is the list of things I am still working on:

• Don't sweat the small stuff.
• Focus on what is important.
• Ignore the negative comments about me or my body.
• Stand up for myself more. 
• Don't take things so personally.

So far, this is it. :)  I see that there are more on the things I am doing better list. ;)